Gran

Matthew 7:1-5 

 ¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

   ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Luke 6:37, 41-42

  ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. [...] 

   ⁴¹ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

My maternal grandmother believed in taking every one as you find them, expecting the best from others and giving of your best to all, regardless of who or what they are. Although she died many years ago I am reminded of her philosophy almost daily. 

Gran died following a long fight with breast cancer and 'designed' her own funeral Mass complete with readings. I read one of the above with Dad holding me from behind. 

Gran and Grandad with Mum - about the same age and stage as we are now!

I was reminded of this on the weekend when I met a woman for the second time. The first time I met her I didn't warm to her; she is immaculately turned out (I just can't manage that anymore so I am jealous) and she is a smoker (hate the sin and not the sinner Kate!) so I didn't make conversation and talked to the people I already knew. After TALKING to this lady over a glass of wine I discovered we have a lot in common BUT more importantly my snap judgement was WRONG. 

Sorry Gran, point taken, will try harder.

(Those of you who are wondering - yes Luke is named for the apostle. Saint Luke the Evangelist was a doctor himself and is the patron saint of physicians, surgeons, butchers and students. Very appropriate for the child of a veterinarian and physician.)

Balancing household needs

Luke is a delightful, happy, growing (75% weight, 97% height - tall and skinny like his Dad), 6 month-old. I'm not someone who believes in Mummy-martyrdom; my needs and the needs of his father need to be considered alongside Luke's. 

AND Mummy and Daddy are tired!

Luke has slept reasonably well for some time now - up 1-2 times a night. He has gone 11-12 hours without a feed a handful of blissful times. Some 'experts' say based on that he should now sleep through the night without a feed and we should institute a strict regime. Some say he should not be feed until 6-7 hours have passed and then 3-4 hourly after that. Some say we should co-sleep to minimise the disturbances to my sleep. Some say solids will make him sleep better; some make him sleep worse. Some say day sleep begets night sleep; some insist babies need to be tired out to sleep well!

AAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!

Luke has a myriad of reasons to have disturbed sleep - recently - jet lag, vaccinations, ambient noise (Chinese New Year), a curious cat, a cold, an itchy facial rash following pumpkin contact, learning to roll/crawl, solids, disturbed schedule due to outings, distracted feeding during the day leading to catching up at night! So hardly surprising he is a little up and down with his waking.

Luke also refuses to read the books! He doesn't always have his longest sleep at the beginning of the night. Even when he wakes up only once it is sometimes at 4-5am and sometimes at midnight! 

We did a very-modified CIO for 3 nights to break his nursing to bed addiction and now he goes down awake after solids/bath/feed/cuddle and is normally asleep after some gurgling if any noise at all. He doesn't feed for naps either so I know he can 'self-soothe.'

At this point I've decided to just keep doing what we're doing. I can't face or stomach 'CIO' at 3am and can't justify it at 6 months. I'm getting 8 hours most nights (in pieces) and his Dad is getting enough sleep for work. Luke is getting 14-16 hours per day and obviously thriving. 

I'm sure things will get better, Luke has the skills he needs to sleep through the night, he just needs time!

Luke with Miffy the transitional object!

Now if only we could train the cat to sleep through the night so Luke was the only disturbance we had!

Me

I spend a lot of these posts talking about Luke - he is my 24/7 focus currently so that's not surprising.

But this is a letter to the younger me and all the younger women out there standing naked in front of the mirror despairing at their 'less-than-model-perfect' bodies and wondering if anyone could love them.

Dear Miss Younger Kate 

(just a side note here an Afrikaans friend calls me Miss Kate and although it's inaccurate I LOVE IT!)

You hate so many parts of your body - take a breath - relax - look at each part in turn - me (older Kate) loves that same body as I've grown into it and learnt why each piece was gifted as it was.

You hate the too-big-for-high-street-feet, but they have carried me around the world, on safari, through street markets, over mountains, up aisles, around hospital wards, up and down corridors and soon you will find shops that make to measure!

You hate your too thick hair and bushy eyebrows that need constant maintenance, but as I get older I don't worry about thinning hairlines or tattooed makeup - we are future proofed.

You hate that your weight yo-yos; too skinny as a teenager, too fat in your twenties - punishing yourself into a svelte frame with running. But I love my allergy-free, sexually-responsive, Luke-carrying body -- which, now changed by the job it most recently performed, will God-willing house this soul for decades yet. These arms are strong enough to baby-carry, these legs firm enough to withstand Wellington winds, these hands delicate enough to stroke my child's forehead.

You hate your too flat breasts, your not-like-the-porn-mag nipples. After six months breast-feeding they're not flat anymore, the nipples are perfectly functioning, the baby is thriving and I am at peace with these beautiful boobs.

As I age, I look back at you, younger Kate, and remember some of the anxieties that kept me awake at nights. I know I would not be the same person if I hadn't experienced those worries. But just wait, hold on, and at every new challenge, remember; for better or worse - this too will pass.

Good luck

Love Older Kate

Existentialism

I've been thinking....

Those of us with children conceived with reproductive technology owe their unique existence to so many happy accidents.

Naturally conceived children - two people met, they have sex, a random sperm find an egg one month, the baby survives gestation and is born.

Luke's conception - Grant and I met, had sex, sperm never met egg...

.....so we met a doctor in UK who wasn't any help - those eggs, those sperm missed out
.....so we met a doctor in HK who was great - those eggs, those sperm met - 8 embryos formed
.....of those 8 embryos - 5 were not healthy so 3 were left
.....of those 3 embryos - 2 were replaced, 1 was frozen for later
.....of those 2 embryos - Luke was the only one visible at 6 weeks

((success or otherwise may be attributed to the embryologist having a good day!))

Was 'Luke' waiting for a vessel and we just happened to be carrying that vessel when his turn arrived?
Is 'Luke' something inherent in that combination of sperm and egg?

If you believe the latter, then you have to grieve the combinations that didn't happen, the embryos that didn't survive, the chances missed.

If you believe the former, then someone else could have been raising my beautiful happy boy if we had got pregnant earlier, later or not at all.

Luke in Chinese New Year outfit

Or was Luke 'meant' to be ours, meant for our family, designed to be raised by us?

I'm glad the series of happy accidents, or fate, or biology led Luke to us, to our home, to our family.

Luke is a gift but a temporary one.... we are custodians of this magical person, entrusted with loving and raising him so he can become who he is meant to be.....He belongs to our larger family, his community, the universe.....

No more thinking for today!

Luke can move!

Luke is 6 months old and 2 days. For several weeks now he has been rolling both ways but hadn't really put it all together. This morning the penny fell --- he can MOVE - a variety of rolling, dragging and pushing backwards with his little feet.

We are SO not ready - so we will be watching him like a hawk until I can get some of the non-baby-safe items out of reach of his little fingers.

This new found movement coincides with his 'getting the hang' of solids. Now there is barely enough time during the day to do anything but feed and water the baby!

Our new schedule
700 - awake
715 - breastfeed
800 - breakfast - oats and fruit/yoghurt
830 - 1000 nap
1015 - breastfeed
1130 - lunch - toast cheese/eggs etc.
1200-1300 - nap
1315 - breastfeed
1500-1600 nap
1615 - breastfeed
1800 - dinner - vege puree - hopefully soon will include meat and be a scaled down version of what we're having
1815 - bath
1830 - final breastfeed and bed - asleep without a peep!

Of course Luke being like his Mummy there is scope for off days and snacks (both breastfeeding and solids) in there!

A good day

Some days are just good days - nothing special, no huge news, no special event - just an ordinary good day.

Luke slept well so we all got to sleep-in until 8am. He was then quite content to play until 10am which meant a leisurely breakfast for everyone and a chance for some crap TV while he slept his morning nap.

My husband and I are friends again and spent some time sorting out our future lives - where to work, what to do, how to share Luke's care etc.

A little walk around Hong Kong, a coffee, a doughnut, cheese on toast for lunch, and a little nap while Luke took his afternoon sleep....

Luke was in a hilarious mood in the afternoon - lots of talking, jumping in the Jolly Jumper and ravenous for his new solid pouchy thing (pumpkin, apricot and figs!) then bath-time - which is always fun as Luke devours his feet!

Hopefully, he will sleep well again so he will be cheerful and full of energy to practice his new mobility - caterpillar crawl, rotate, roll, wobble!

Hope the rabbit is good to you!
Gung Hei Fat Choi - 恭喜發財 

Common-sense

As a parent it is very easy to fall victim to an overdose of advice; most of it crazy passionate.

Some of the dire warnings with which I have been bombarded;

1. jolly-jumpers will destroy my baby's spine
2. formula is poison
3. feeding baby pureed food or rice cereal will ensure he is obese as an adult
4. forward facing baby carriers will psychologically damage Luke
5. not co-sleeping and using a stroller will prevent Luke and I becoming bonded
etc.

Not to be too biased against 'attachment/natural parenting', the other side are just as mad;

1. breast-fed infants miss out on valuable nutrients like DHAs
2. six-month olds need to be in classes for exercise and pre-language
3. if I don't leave Luke with a baby-sitter regularly he will be stunted in his social development
4. eating peanuts while pregnant/breast-feeding will cause allergies in Luke
5. the cat will sit on Luke's face and smother him
etc.

So I've only been a Mum for six months (today is Luke's half-birth-day!), and everything I say I won't do, wouldn't do, shouldn't do, I end up doing very shortly after.

So far;
1. breast-feeding past 6 months - never meant to but Luke doesn't want to be weaned, won't take a bottle and is a little slow on solids
2. baby-led-weaning - where the baby feeds themselves whole-foods as they feel ready - Luke has managed to feed himself banana, avocado, char-siu-bau, congee etc. OOPS!
3. cloth-diapering - meant to do it 100% but travelling and being out and about makes it impractical so we are 75-80%
etc.

Luke and I are together 24/7 and we muddle along. He and I are happy, mostly, and I figure we'll work it out as we go along.

Playing by ear and using our common-sense seems to be working so far!