Her Personal Legend

It is said that the need for feminism is gone and in fact many women will loudly disown the concept as they embrace the powerful sexual 'girl-power' made famous by the Spice Girls. This blog is not going to dwell on the contradictions inherent in women pandering to male ideas of sexual beauty in order to empower themselves or in that many of these role-models don't know how to dress for the weather! 

Instead, I wish to discuss women in the literature I have recently read. Sadly, I think there is much done still to sideline females into particular roles and expectations thus removing options from the minds of young women. 

I had always meant to read Paulo Coelho's work. It has received international acclaim as inspiring; encouraging the achievement of each individual's life purpose or Personal Legend. The Alchemist is a fairytale with a message. The message I received, as a woman, was loud and clear - men go seek your Personal Legend and fulfilment while women please wait for your man to return.

"The desert takes our men from us....Some do come back. And then the other women are happy because they believe that their men may one day return, as well. I used to look at those women and envy them their happiness. Now, I too will be one of the women who wait.

I'm a desert woman and I'm proud of that. I want my husband to wander as free as the wind that shapes the dunes. And, if I have to, I will accept the fact that he has become a part of the clouds...."

The young woman and protagonist fall in love during a conversation. There is no exchange of goods, no promises of fidelity and the woman is left abandoned in a desert oasis during a civil war. Yet, she is happy because her man is happy - this was published in English in 2002! (late last century in the original Portugese). If he doesn't come back, for whatever reason, she will continue to wait as is a desert woman's lot! 

Where is the woman's quest to follow her Personal Legend. Surely, Coelho does not believe that all women share the same desires and are only truly happy as a base for a man!

Those of you who know me personally know that currently I am a stay-at-home-Mum to our first son 'stuck' in Hong Kong unable to work as my husband follows his career. I see no contradiction in this. This was a choice; part of a greater journey. When we as a couple make our next move it will be motivated by the pursuit of my career. I had a life before I met my husband. If our paths diverge through death or any other means, I will continue to have a life after my husband. 

(Perish the thought - today is our wedding anniversary so any idea of division makes me tremble).

I've also been reading Aaron's Rod, D.H. Lawrence (thanks to Project Gutenberg Etexts). Unbelievably Lawrence is more sympathetic to the 'waiting woman.' The eponymous Aaron leaves his wife and the colliery on Christmas morning to pursue a career of music (also seeking his Personal Legend I suppose). 

On Christmas Eve, Aaron leaves his family to visit ale houses, as is his wont.

"She felt there was a curious glamour about him. It made her feel bitter. He had an unfair advantage--he was free to go off, while she must stay at home with the children."

And in discussion with the doctor when it becomes clear, Aaron isn't coming home.

"Well then, why not let him travel? You can live."

"But to leave me alone," there was burning indignation in her voice. "To go off and leave me with every responsibility, to leave me with all the burden."

"....Aren't you better off without him?"

"I am....MAY EVIL BEFALL YOU, YOU SELFISH DEMON..."

Women are hogtied enough by our biology - a real partner, a real MAN supports, assists and when possible shares the load so that both people can attain their Personal Legends. 

Growing old together - stress on the word together!