Child-rearing philosophies

I spend too long on the internet. I read one article, follow a link and before you know it an hour has passed. Before I had Luke I had no idea that child-rearing philosophies really existed or that the two 'camps' duke it out on a regular on-line basis. 

The whole argument confuses me. Parenting, from my vast experience you note, is not black and white. Babies don't, won't and shouldn't prefer the things the parents want them to prefer. Particularly if the list of preferences comes from a book, web-site or parenting 'club.'

Breast vs Formula

Baby-carrier vs Stroller

Cloth-diaper vs Disposable

Co-sleep vs Crib

Non-CIO vs Sleep-training

Late-weaning vs Solids at 4 months

Organic brands vs Supermarket specials

Make your own baby food vs Ready-made

etc.....

I've formatted the list as it is for a reason - on the left 'attachment parenting' on the right 'mainstream parenting.' And it appears to be an all or nothing choice.

Here is our (I include my husband here in our decision making) take on each debate.

Breast vs formula - I breastfeed and enjoy it (there will be whole post about how we got to this point in the future I promise). It is not a philosophic, soul-affirming, earth-shattering experience. Our child is fed; it is free and clean. It works for us. We are lucky.

Baby-carrier vs stroller - we have both. Living in Hong Kong can be challenging with a small baby without a retinue of servants or a car. On days when we will be up and down stairs and off and on public transport, Luke is in the front-pack and our backs suffer! Other days when it is more practical, the stroller. When he was tiny, the sling was a life-saver, because if he got uber-fussy while we were out, it allowed very discrete breast-feeding. I hadn't realised that 'baby-carrying' was a quasi-religious movement. I felt bad; Luke reaches for his toys and the floor if he has been manhandled for too long. He smiles when he is put down on his play-mat. Will our bond be somehow damaged?? NO! I continue to choose baby transportation methods as practicality sees fit!

Cloth-diaper vs disposable - again we do both. My husband feels very strongly about the environment and yet we live in Hong Kong where the environment is raped on a regular basis. One of the biggest problems in Hong Kong is landfill, we have plenty of water. So it makes sense not to add to the landfill but that means more washing - so we do use more water. I do, however, have a confession to make. If we are out and when we are on vacation, I do use disposables. They are easier and no-one wants to smell a cloth-diaper that has been festering in a bag for hours! A pleasant side-effect of cloth-diapering for Luke -- less nappy-rash!

Co-sleep vs crib - crib all the way. I'm medically trained in traditional medicine. I have seen the case reports of children smothered accidentally in a co-sleep situation. Although, I know there are 'safe' ways to co-sleep, I couldn't risk it - how would you live with yourself. There have been some early mornings when Luke has come into bed with us because of jet-lag, restlessness etc. but I haven't slept. Just laid down so he could sleep against me. I have had one or two nightmares when I have woken to find myself searching the sheets for Luke only to have my husband reassure me that he was safe and asleep in his crib. I'm just not suited to co-sleeping. 

I am of the opinion that our bed is - just that - ours. My husband and I have our own space where, let's face it, all we do is talk about the baby!! Luke is welcome, after 7am and when Dad has some pants on!

Non-CIO vs sleep training - here the waters get murky!! The passion against CIO (cry-it-out for the uninitiated) is incredible! It is, on my birth-board, acceptable to pierce the ears of a 4 month old baby girl but woe and betide anyone who considers sleep training. Independent sleep is something I value so we (and by this I mean me as my husband was happy for me to take the lead here) have tried to instil 'good' habits from day one; routines, healthy sleep associations/environment, consistency, down-drowsy-but-awake etc. It took months to evolve from a little guy who nursed to sleep for all naps and bedtimes to the little guy who smiles after his song and sucks on his bunny's ears or talks himself to sleep.  We did do two to three nights (at six months) of observed-CIO (where you don't leave the baby alone) for MOTN (middle of the night) wakings when Luke decided he needed the boob between each sleep cycle. It worked and now when he cries in the MOTN I know that he is hungry, hurt, whatever and go to him. 

Late-weaning vs solids at 4 months - this is still debated in the research but common-sense should reign. Luke had his first taste of rice cereal followed by avocado, pumpkin, apple, pears, peas and banana at 5 months. Sometimes he likes them other times not-so-much. He is a person not a machine. 

I didn't realise that late-weaning had religious overtones - it is a FEEDING method - nothing more! I would wean Luke soon, if he would let me! But looks like we are doing extended breast-feeding because that's what the baby wants! Our real problem is that he will only drink from the breast. So I am tied to him. Some days I resent this and dream of the days when I will be a separate person again. 

Organics! If my husband was writing this blog, you would get a several page diatribe about anti-competitive, kick-the-third-world-in-the-guts, low-productivity organic farming! Suffice to say, organics are not popular in our household. Locally sourced, where appropriate and sustainable, sensible, waste-reduction however is very key. It makes NO SENSE to use organic dishwashing liquid if by using the dishwasher you use ten times the water and four times the energy!! Just saying.....!

Make your own baby food vs shop-bought - I do make my own when I can find the ingredients and the time (not always easy in Hong Kong). I am not 'addicted' to making baby food anymore than I am 'addicted' to cloth diapers. Yes, there are women who claim to be both! They obviously haven't tried chocolate or wine!

There you have it, a middle of the road parent.........I suspect there are a lot of us out there!