Existentialism

I've been thinking....

Those of us with children conceived with reproductive technology owe their unique existence to so many happy accidents.

Naturally conceived children - two people met, they have sex, a random sperm find an egg one month, the baby survives gestation and is born.

Luke's conception - Grant and I met, had sex, sperm never met egg...

.....so we met a doctor in UK who wasn't any help - those eggs, those sperm missed out
.....so we met a doctor in HK who was great - those eggs, those sperm met - 8 embryos formed
.....of those 8 embryos - 5 were not healthy so 3 were left
.....of those 3 embryos - 2 were replaced, 1 was frozen for later
.....of those 2 embryos - Luke was the only one visible at 6 weeks

((success or otherwise may be attributed to the embryologist having a good day!))

Was 'Luke' waiting for a vessel and we just happened to be carrying that vessel when his turn arrived?
Is 'Luke' something inherent in that combination of sperm and egg?

If you believe the latter, then you have to grieve the combinations that didn't happen, the embryos that didn't survive, the chances missed.

If you believe the former, then someone else could have been raising my beautiful happy boy if we had got pregnant earlier, later or not at all.

Luke in Chinese New Year outfit

Or was Luke 'meant' to be ours, meant for our family, designed to be raised by us?

I'm glad the series of happy accidents, or fate, or biology led Luke to us, to our home, to our family.

Luke is a gift but a temporary one.... we are custodians of this magical person, entrusted with loving and raising him so he can become who he is meant to be.....He belongs to our larger family, his community, the universe.....

No more thinking for today!